In 2015 I turned 60. My mother had been gone for 20-years but the pain and anger she left me with in her wake were still palpable. She never shared any part of her life with me when she was alive. I once told her she made me laugh when she laughed. She answered that by saying she wouldn’t ever laugh out loud again. At eight, she slid a B&W picture across a table I was sitting at and said the man in it was my father. “He left a month after you were born.” That was the extent of our conversation about it the rest of her life. For reasons only known to her she felt no compunction to discuss any part of her life, family or her journey through life and that decision kept us estranged my entire life. In early 2016, I heard about a genealogy conference called Rootstech to be held in Salt Lake City, Utah. Its location shouldn’t be a huge surprise since the largest source of genealogical records in the world reside here with the LDS Church in their FamilySearch Library. I was finally at a place personally that I could look through the boxes of photos, random papers and documents without elevating my blood-pressure and thought attending this conference might be just the ticket. Before attending I had a lot to unpack literally and metaphorically. I wanted-needed-to uncover the mystery of my mother and if I was lucky, find my father. I decided It would would more helpful if I had a few names and dates so I could ask more specific questions. It was a rush of emotion and I quickly became addicted to the search. Rootstech Live 2023 brought it all back. The last one I attended in person was February 2020, 3-weeks before the world shutdown. The next two, 2021-2022, were held virtually. I understood but had zero interest if I could not attend in person. During the opening session this week a speaker commented that attendance had jumped from an in-person total of 35K in 2020, to 1M in ’21, and 3M in ’22. Clearly I was the only person put off by a Zoom conference. During 2016-2019, I had accomplished most of my goals, primarily finding my father, but uncovering the many layers and journeys of my mother and her immediate family continued to vex me at every turn. One ongoing struggle I continue to have is with her relationship with the LDS Church. We were never close and lived more like disinterested roommates than mother & son so when I decided against going on an LDS Church mission (A period of volunteer service, usually ranging from six to 24 months, when Church members devote themselves part-time or full-time to proselytizing, humanitarian assistance or other service.) she began the process of renouncing our relationship. I wouldn’t go so far as to say we had a love-hate relationship-we would need to have known one another better for that.

George is that you?

If you are active in genealogy you are likely familiar with the name Ancestry and FamilySearch and if so, you probably use them and the tools they offer. They are great sites to research and build your family tree. The aspect that I find amusing is the reason or purpose behind many of the individuals that use their services can be so different. I am looking for family and hope to discover at least some of their particular history. Conversely, many I speak with are members of the “Church” and are always on the hunt for lost family to baptise in proxy. The “Church” as it is predominately referred to in Utah without the unnecessary edition of “LDS” is because since the majority of residents claim it as their faith, there is no need to expand on it. In their mind the “Church”, is THE church. I will say here I am not here to debate the pros or cons of this or any religion. My comments are my opinion and perception of how certain issues were taught and or conveyed to me and nothing more. The missionary issue from my past has long been put to rest but sadly has been replaced with what is referred to as baptism of the dead. (For those who have passed on without the ordinance of baptism, proxy baptism for the deceased is a free will offering. According to Church doctrine, a departed soul in the afterlife is completely free to accept or reject such a baptism — the offering is freely given and must be freely received.) I have a dear friend that was raised as a catholic and his parents were devout and had been their entire lifetime. Imagine his dismay (kind way of stating it) when he discovered years after his mother’s passing that someone had decided she needed to be saved and “baptised” her into the LDS faith. So what, a 6th cousin somewhere decided they knew better and submitted her name? I bring this up because his is not a unique or unusual situation. I find it all the time. When I ask the good folks at the FamilySearch booth about it they say that it is designed for immediate family to request but unfortunately there are those that ignore the protocol and submit any name they choose. Perhaps if they realised how hurtful this is they would stop. In my case I have a mother and a father that were never married but because they have a child together there is a possibility they could be sealed together. Since they were never married you wouldn’t think it an issue, however, because there is a child (me) the “Church” groups the two of them together so there is the possibility some well-meaning person will submit their names to be sealed together for time and all eternity. Doesn’t matter they were never married, I still have to watch.

Rootstech 2023 was a great experience and I took away much useful information. I have enough genealogy miles now that what I took away from this conference will keep me going for weeks. My inspiration is sporadic most days; spurred on by a random email from a distant cousin that just discovered me when there DNA results came back. We exchange a flurry of emails until their interest wanes and they go quiet. If you are involved in the search I wish you well and if you are considering it, look up FamilySearch and the links associated with Rootstech. It’s free and who knows what you might discover.