So much for 2021 right. The new calendars I handed out promised a better year, at least the pictures did, and of course it had 2021 splashed everywhere! None of us were naive enough to think that with the “flick of a switch,” 2021 would magically transform into the respite our weary souls needed, but it would have been nice to at least had an uneventful week before our world blew up again. Did I really expect a different result? Not really, but who could have imagined our newly minted year starting off with an attempted insurrection. I made a promise to myself in June as we were camping in Yellowstone Park; I would try, REALLY TRY to give up the news when we got home. I did pretty well the first several months, but since the election I have been drawn back like a moth to a flame… I obviously have an opinion but find the mood so fractured that a civil dialogue is impossible so rather than putting in my two cents worth about the desecration of our national capitol, I choose to talk about something else that is also important and painful to watch—my mom. For those new to this blog, she is actually my mother-in-law and has been part of my life for over 40-years. The three of us have lived together in this condo since September of 2016, specifically to assure to the best of our ability, her quality of life stays consistent and safe. She has had her moments; nine months after moving in, she tripped (or collapsed) and fell, breaking her back. She has severe osteoporosis so it didn’t take much to fracture her brittle bones. During a slow recovery, she has also dealt with numerous bouts of various infections and “old-people” stuff. Currently she is fighting a particularly nasty round of cellulitis which has landed her in the ER several times. It is painful for her to walk, sit and sleep so she is never really comfortable and for this guy with a low threshold for blood and or disfigurement, the wound is extremely nauseating for me to look at. One more reason I’m not a doctor. To top it off, she broke a front tooth. This once elegant lady now looks like a character from Little Rascals. Visiting her dentist was a 1/2 day ordeal because of the duress she is under. The dentist, whom she has known since his childhood, was almost brought to tears when he saw her. He was able to glue the tooth back but explained it required surgery for a permanent fix. He recommended she rest and get her health and strength back before performing the surgery. She is physically not up to it. It fell out the next day. Even though she is safely tucked away, the COVID year has not been kind to her. She became even more of a recluse, venturing out only for doctor and hair appointments. During the summer months I tried, unsuccessfully, to get her out of the house and walk in the warm sunshine. I explained there were few people outside so she would be safe. Even with that assurance she continued to decline my offers. She was becoming more and more mentally shut-off from the outside world. Sadly, at this same time her in-home caretaker was fired; not for doing a poor job, but for not taking safety seriously when off the clock. I appreciate your time is your time, however, when your very employment counts on being careful and cautious because you are responsible for a vulnerable elderly patient, and there are no “do-overs.” Her transformation is much more noticeable to those that are only able to visit occasionally. The kids remember her at Christmas 2019 so this version is hard to watch. My wife and I offer each other a slightly sad grin when watching and waiting for her mom to shuffle from one spot to another, or after repeating a simple comment in ever increasing volume hoping she will be able to hear it. Often, what was supposed to be something funny or clever ends up sounding stupid by the fifth telling. At this age what causes someone to keep living while their bodies deteriorate? For us, the bright spot is her mind is still quite sharp so engaging conversations are still possible, when of course she can hear you. When asked about receiving the vaccine she is thinking about it. At first she seemed reluctant until I reminded her it would help protect her against possibly careless caretakers and would allow her grandchildren to visit. She now thinks it may be a good idea. I think the lack of social in-person engagement has taken the greatest toll and I don’t see that improving anytime soon. She is approaching her 93rd birthday and is already the longest lived relative in her family tree and appreciates that every day is a gift. This distraction doesn’t change the daily horror we are surrounded by but at least gives me another perspective.

Can we give peace a chance?

I am the first to admit I don’t understand the rabid support Trump enjoys, but I will admit they are loyal and steadfast. Many people in my sphere are polar opposites and it is fairly easy to determine which camp they are in. How likely they are to accept this challenge is another story. The first step sounds easy, and it can be if both parties are willing to respect the others opinion and only if you are both willing to listen. At this point I have to remind myself that we both are looking at our respective core values as looking at an alien—totally foreign and undeniably ridiculous (to us remember) so try to agree to listen without interruption. What you are looking for is a thread, however slim and imperceptible that each of you believe in and can agree to. It doesn’t matter what, just something, anything really. If you can volley back and forth without trying to choke each other at this stage there is a real possibility of success! am not practiced at this, with only one success, but it was an important one because it was a dear friend that matters to me which is why I will continue to try.