I put the world on pause; if that’s even possible…

Since starting this blog, I made a commitment to myself to document a week at a time. I needed to challenge myself and not get lazy or inconsistent. My thought was if I forced myself to produce every week it would become habit. The difficulty was not in finding a topic, but rather which topic to focus on. For a time I considered increasing to twice a week, maybe even three times; there is so much happening in the world why not? The reality is that a blog is “your” statement about whatever you want. At the start mine was innocent enough; my transition into turning 65 and trying to make sense of what if any opportunities were still available for someone my age. Mainly it was a platform to feel sorry for myself I came to realize. By mid-March it became clear world events were changing rapidly and the scope of its effect on people and economies was only then starting to show the unimaginable devastation to come. It effected me so I wrote about it. While millions were furloughed I became an “essential” worker in the scheme of things and was grateful for continuing to work. I wrote about that. With entire states on lockdown trying to “flatten the curve” the economy was crashing and unemployment spiking; my income dropped 30-40%. I wrote about that. If that wasn’t enough to cause severe anxiety, Memorial Day brought an event so shocking it brought a country already reeling from COVID to its collective knees. The murder of George Floyd was the spark that ignighted a long simmering pain into a movement with global implications. I wrote about that. Protests erupted everywhere but when I saw the violence, including the burning of a police car blocks away from my home I was in tearful awe and wrote about it. My blog seemed to have evolved into a one-person perspective on a world gone mad.

Fathers Day is my favorite “personal” holiday. I love my wife and my sons and without them this would be just another Sunday. I look forward to whatever the day brings because it gives me time with them. Early on Saturday morning I woke to a side-ache. I flashed back to several years before to an eerily similar pain that was ultimately diagnosed after the fact as a kidney stone. The difference here was the pain radiated from a different side; close to the appendix. I considered my two options as I paced our condo; the more likely choice was a kidney stone. The pain had started as a mild throb in the lower right plank and had rapidly increased to the point now where it was doubling me over in pain which was the same. The second option was an appendicitis. I had no reference here because I had not had one before but realized I could die from this. Either way the pain was becoming unbearable and the good part is I would get some pain killer either way. Having a similar visit to the ER 8 months ago for pericarditis I knew my way. Blood work and a CT scan confirmed it was a 3mm stone. Another dose of morphine and some saline and I was on my way back home.

I do not tolerate pain well and appreciate pain pills for that. The good part is I am not compelled to take them for any other reason, the bad was it did not dull the pain at all. Zero. The other fact is while it doesn’t cause outright sleep, it does cause severe drowsiness. You can start reading an article or watching a YouTube video and 30 minutes later wonder what you are doing. I found I had watched 14 episodes of Mad River Outfitters “Fly fishing for beginners,” even subscribing to their channel. I do recall bits and pieces; buy a 4-piece 9ft rod with a machined reel and match your flies with your leader etc. I plan on exploring my new hobby soon. It also caused, as least for me, hallucinations. Since my sleep patterns were dictated by the activity of the stone, I might try turning in at 6:30 pm knowing by 1 am I would be pacing the condo looking for relief, finally finding it by 5 and waking again by 8 am. This schedule was not a guarantee but gives an idea of adapting to your body. During this period I remember rolling over in bed and slowly opening my eyes. There was a shape glowing bright green with one end bright red. It seemed to float and had an alien aura. I was groggy but not startled and grabbed my iPhone to take pictures. As I continued clicking away I noticed the camera controls seemed totally different. I finished, put the phone down and went back to sleep. Later the next day, during a conversation with my wife I mentioned my experience and looked through the images.

By Monday am, after another bout in the middle of the night, I called the urology department phone number on my discharge papers. Ann answered the phone and was both emphatic and helpful. We stayed on the phone for 30 minutes and she exhausted every option to get me in explaining because I wasn’t a regular client the soonest I could get in was Wednesday am. I took it. She promised a nurse would call me back ASAP. She did and said unfortunately the stone was in control. Drink lots of water and pee through the strainer they gave me. This was in case it did come out we could analyze it and maybe determine the composition of it and consider what dietary changes to make. As of this writing nothing has shown up. I do not believe I need a strainer to tell me I just passed a 3mm BB, so it either disintegrated (my opinion-hope) or lies dormant waiting to take over another day. I am told the pain from a kidney stone is the closest a man will come to experiencing childbirth. If this is true and it were up to me, we would be extinct by now.

The balance of the week, aside from catching up at work, was to get our Airstream in for service. We have a long anticipated vacation to Yellowstone coming soon and want everything checked and working properly. I even bought a good old-fashioned road map! The biggest surprise was the hitch I’ve used for 15 years on three different vehicles would not work. It sat about 1/2 inch off the ground which would be a disaster unless you drove exclusively on an airport runway. Since this isn’t the case, I bought another hitch to get to service so the Airstream people can figure it out.

My brief hiatus through kidney stones (plural sounds more impressive) didn’t change anything in the world but did give me a much needed break. Our country is in chaos and needs to heal. Our collective hearts are broken and our health is under attack with no clear end in sight. Before we can do that we need to correct what ails us which will be the biggest challenge. We have 328 million different needs and opinions demanding to be heard. I hope the one thing we have in common is the desire to make things right for everybody.