Followed through on going to the range and the doubts are creeping back in…

Lisa and I were nervously excited about shooting together for the first time. I had a plan how the day would be go and had built the days activities around that plan. We were thrown a curve-ball: Our oldest was traveling to Miami and asked if we could watch his husky. This is not a problem other than the dog howls if left in the condo and Lisa isn’t in sight. If she brings the dog and leaves it in the backseat of he car, no problem. That dog could spend an afternoon sleeping there and be totally content, but leave her with anyone in the condo and she goes crazy.

The “Plan” was to get to the range, check-in, likely wait an hour for a lane and get a bite to eat during the wait. Time invested: 2 hours. We obviously couldn’t leave her home and I felt guilty leaving he in the car for that length of time even though the temperature was in the 40’s, so another plan was needed. Lisa decided that we could take her home to her house while we we out. Simple plan and brilliant; she slept the entire time and didn’t miss Lisa at all.

We had both agreed we were nervous to shoot but needed to get the first time out of the way. We had talked about this for quite some time which prolonged the anxiety. The gun range employees were most helpful; offering a general safety course on the guns we were renting and the safe operation of the lane we were assigned to. Walking into our lane after our safety primer we both felt better and fairly confident that we wouldn’t shoot each other. The gun we had purchased fired well with few issues, however, the two we had rented jammed frequently. Even so, we used them enough to gain an opinion. Lisa didn’t care for them and neither did I. That’s the reason to rent, right? We will go again-soon.

I continue to fight this creeping doubt. My entire adult working life has been chasing dreams with the belief anything is possible when I apply myself, yet now I am losing faith. The fight seems to deminish with each passing day. I continue to point blame at easy targets: age and having little tenure in my current position are my two favorites. Fortunately for me I have a shoulder to cry on that offers support and wisdom as I write this; my wife. With her help I am starting to grasp the fact my expressed excuses have little to do with my current mental state and it is more likely the cause is surrounding myself with people with seriously negative attitudes.

LinkedIn paints a picture of inclusion, empathy and team work. Our company encourages its sales force to create a profile and stay actively engaged in the site. Problem is, the culture doesn’t support this vision and positive interaction is rare. What does get communicated is “Budget” and staying under it, whatever that number is. Negativity is not planned but it is cultivated and like an invasive weed spreads throughout an organization. I have become guilty by association. I am positive by nature and need to find that mojo again. The question I am asking myself now is how does a non-management/supervisor employee create a positive work culture? I need to find out sooner rather than later.